I am presently suffering from a severe winter related ailment known as Chillblains. At first, when my feet swelled up and turned tomato red and when they hurt like as though a heavy weight champion was sitting on them, I was worried. A few Google checks later and a visit to the nearest doctor resulted in a 5 day dose of pain killers and stomach medication to curb the pain. Apparently, any problem like Chillblain is solved with regular home remedies. I was advised to dip my feet in warm water for a period of 30 minutes everyday till the results were proven.
The effect of having painful feet (for someone who likes to keep active) was pretty horrid. Although I went about doing most of the things I usually do, my pain killer influenced mind got to thinking about the side effects of life.
When I was prescribed the medication, my initial reaction was to ask the Doctor if there would be any side effect. To be honest, I am a paranoid person of sorts who always expects the worse. I therefore like to be prepared for anything that may or may not come my way.
Medication and professional medical practitioners can always share the potential side effects of every medication with you.
But did you ever realize that there is nothing and no one who can share the details of potential side effects faced in life, in everything you do and don't.
Life isn't anything but a series of side effects! Imagine, when a girl gets married she compromises. When you take up a great high flying job, you lose your social life. When you take things too easy you get nowhere in life.
Why don't we ever ask ourselves what the potential side effects of any decision we make may be.
Probably because we don't want to face what we don't know, in reality. And when unfavourable things do happen, we blame it on destiny and fate.
As a breed we aren't prepared, no matter how hard we try to be. For anything that comes our way. We can't control when we fall in love or why. We can't control illnesses. We can't control the next day or the one before and we surely can't control the weather.
Yet, we go on pretending it doesn't matter. We pacify ourselves in the thought that eating right, playing it safe, going to a Doctor and praying are one of the few ways to live well and live right.
So what does it all mean at the end of the day? That we are naiive as a species? That we can't really accept even if we try to? That we don't understand the concept of anything around us?
Think about it. Or don't. It's your call. But the next time you make a decision or have a tablet, be sure to wonder about the side effects of it and life.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
My displaced mother tongue
I was born into a Bengali family. My parents and theirs were all Bengalis and probably the ones before them too. Surprisingly though, I could always understand the language without being able to speak it grammatically right.
In these days we live in mixed times. A diverse country like India has different state languages, not all of which are easy to master.
Since I didn't really grow up in the state my ancestors came from, I was always an outsider to my own culture. Not that it mattered because while growing up other priorities came first anyway.
Today, when people ask me What I am, (in India, you are defined by your state, religion and of course mother tongue to some extent) I don't like to answer "Bengali". Aptly so, I can't read the language nor write it. I can understand it but speak it like a Spanish immigrant speaking Polish. This doesn't affect me or the way I feel about being Bengali, but it definitely makes me conscious in some way.
So I coined a new term for myself. I call myself a Maharashtrian Bengali now. Someone who grew up in the vast state of Maharashtra but never in Bengal. In tribute to someone who understands the language of the Maharashtrians just as well but again, can't speak it. Why? Well because I wasn't Maharashtrian, I always thought it made no sense to learn the state language either.
So now it all comes down to me and What I am. When people ask me now, it's with a sense of confusion. How can someone be from somewhere and speak only English when she's Indian.
Indians have always been considered to be multi-lingual. That is of course a direct influence of being born in one state and growing up in another and coming from a family that spoke another tongue altogether.
At the end of the day, I suffice it's enough to call yourself human, isn't it? I mean, language isn't really a barrier unless you make it out to be.
In these days we live in mixed times. A diverse country like India has different state languages, not all of which are easy to master.
Since I didn't really grow up in the state my ancestors came from, I was always an outsider to my own culture. Not that it mattered because while growing up other priorities came first anyway.
Today, when people ask me What I am, (in India, you are defined by your state, religion and of course mother tongue to some extent) I don't like to answer "Bengali". Aptly so, I can't read the language nor write it. I can understand it but speak it like a Spanish immigrant speaking Polish. This doesn't affect me or the way I feel about being Bengali, but it definitely makes me conscious in some way.
So I coined a new term for myself. I call myself a Maharashtrian Bengali now. Someone who grew up in the vast state of Maharashtra but never in Bengal. In tribute to someone who understands the language of the Maharashtrians just as well but again, can't speak it. Why? Well because I wasn't Maharashtrian, I always thought it made no sense to learn the state language either.
So now it all comes down to me and What I am. When people ask me now, it's with a sense of confusion. How can someone be from somewhere and speak only English when she's Indian.
Indians have always been considered to be multi-lingual. That is of course a direct influence of being born in one state and growing up in another and coming from a family that spoke another tongue altogether.
At the end of the day, I suffice it's enough to call yourself human, isn't it? I mean, language isn't really a barrier unless you make it out to be.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
You cannot define life
Life isn't only about moments. It's about choices, memories, pain and joy. A series of things that cannot be defined by one word or sentence. Every time I see a greeting card with various sayings, sayings on life it makes me wonder.
At some point of time every one goes through a state of nostalgia, of questions, of confusions. A state wherein they question the purpose of everything they do. A state wherein everything seems fine but not quite.
This is when you look for definitions, to define who you are, what you do and why you're here. It's natural to emote and feel. And to experience phases throughout your life. Without it, what would you really be doing?
In the medley though how do you come out at the other end stronger than before? You can learn from your mistakes, you can live again, you can feel. But most of us are too scared to let go and to let live. We hold on to what we were and the things that went wrong too tightly. And when the questions come we comfort ourselves in the plethora of quotes writers sell to make us feel better.
Life is not a definition. No matter what you read and believe, nothing can prepare you or warn you. At the end of the day, when the sun sets on one part of the world it's all about hoping to wake up healthy, happy and warm again.
The sunshine and its strong rays are the world's way of saying every time you close your eyes, a light will guide you through.
At some point of time every one goes through a state of nostalgia, of questions, of confusions. A state wherein they question the purpose of everything they do. A state wherein everything seems fine but not quite.
This is when you look for definitions, to define who you are, what you do and why you're here. It's natural to emote and feel. And to experience phases throughout your life. Without it, what would you really be doing?
In the medley though how do you come out at the other end stronger than before? You can learn from your mistakes, you can live again, you can feel. But most of us are too scared to let go and to let live. We hold on to what we were and the things that went wrong too tightly. And when the questions come we comfort ourselves in the plethora of quotes writers sell to make us feel better.
Life is not a definition. No matter what you read and believe, nothing can prepare you or warn you. At the end of the day, when the sun sets on one part of the world it's all about hoping to wake up healthy, happy and warm again.
The sunshine and its strong rays are the world's way of saying every time you close your eyes, a light will guide you through.
Monday, January 7, 2013
It takes solitude to be you
Being my first post for the New Year, there really isn't much I want to say because my focus has shifted. Rather, my focus hasn't shifted, it's just been put through trying times recently.
I was always a loner by nature. It's not like I had a dearth of friends. I had a few good friends, still do and some more who are plain associates. However, I rarely find myself content when in a group of people. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate socializing or anything. It's just that I connect with fewer people at a time, if I do at all.
I somehow never wondered about this until recently. As an Indian girl, married into a severely traditional Bengali-Indian family I am expected to do things my otherwise bohemian mind may not approve of. It's during the time when the expectation became vocal that I realized how important being alone is to be you.
When you are part of a family that is yours but not really yours, in today's times it is hard to accept what in the old days you "had to". Further on, when a family is so rooted and hell bent on holding on instead of letting go, you realize that you can't always be what you want or simply breathe.
Sometimes, ties that bind can turn into a drastic weight, I believe. I also believe that it is good to have such strong ties, but only to an extent.
In life, you are born as one. And you die as one. There is a reason for that. Although you are born into a family, a brood, you are still meant to face your battles alone, for a reason. As humans, we can't be a pact without knowing how to be solitary bearers of our own life and destiny.
As the New Year begins and rings in change with every day it gives me, I hold onto a thought I have become fond of, off late - It takes solitude to be you.
I was always a loner by nature. It's not like I had a dearth of friends. I had a few good friends, still do and some more who are plain associates. However, I rarely find myself content when in a group of people. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate socializing or anything. It's just that I connect with fewer people at a time, if I do at all.
I somehow never wondered about this until recently. As an Indian girl, married into a severely traditional Bengali-Indian family I am expected to do things my otherwise bohemian mind may not approve of. It's during the time when the expectation became vocal that I realized how important being alone is to be you.
When you are part of a family that is yours but not really yours, in today's times it is hard to accept what in the old days you "had to". Further on, when a family is so rooted and hell bent on holding on instead of letting go, you realize that you can't always be what you want or simply breathe.
Sometimes, ties that bind can turn into a drastic weight, I believe. I also believe that it is good to have such strong ties, but only to an extent.
In life, you are born as one. And you die as one. There is a reason for that. Although you are born into a family, a brood, you are still meant to face your battles alone, for a reason. As humans, we can't be a pact without knowing how to be solitary bearers of our own life and destiny.
As the New Year begins and rings in change with every day it gives me, I hold onto a thought I have become fond of, off late - It takes solitude to be you.
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