Out and About

It's almost the end of another long or rather short year. I didn't get the time to write much about it these last few weeks. That's probably cause the almost-end of 2012 paved the way for several changes in my life.

I have hardly lived in my house during the month of December. Right on the 1st of the month I decided to go home (home is always Bombay to me). My Bombay trip was spectacular considering it was the first time I actually spent an entire fortnight there post my marriage to Siddhartha. When your closest family members and friends live in a place, it's hard not to call it home. Considering that I have always believed in something I read somewhere - Home is never a place, only a person or persons. 

I met some of my closest friends while in Bombay after a super-long time. It didn't just feel wonderful, it felt right! Manasi, Mudita, Delnaaz, Yooti, Ami, Timira. Friends I've known for years, maybe even more than a decade. And who can forget my lovely family...the ones to whom I practically owe everything!

 Post the Bombay trip, I came back and got ready to welcome Delnaaz here. Delnaaz and I had planned a whirlwind tour of sorts in an attempt to go together for another dear friend's wedding - Aanchal's. So, in all, I spent all of last week with Delnaaz, doing the things old friends do together and never tiring of it. We spent an entire week gorging on a variety of foods from Lucknowy biryani to Tunday kebabs - specialties of North Indian culture and food. Yum.

Life as an army wife is so different than what I am used to. I enjoy it to some extent but miss being me on occasion too! It's during my sojourns to and fro, from home to my in-laws house and back to the house I share with Siddhartha in the cantonment here that I realize how roles are an important part of our life. You are never the same person in different places. Because you can't be. 

As another beautiful and enriching year slowly says good bye, I can't help but wonder where the next year will take me. I am use to moving around like a gypsy thanks to my husband's career as an army officer, but I do believe the next 2-3 years will be years of challenge. Life without challenges would probably be boring though. So as I get geared for more change, adjustment and goodbyes I wish that every new day brings me more cheer and joy than the ones before.

Thank you for a lovely 2012. 3 Cheers and Happy New Year!

The gift of giving

I have had the good fortune to celebrate 27 birthdays in my life. Yesterday was the latest, 27th one.

All my life, I lived a life that was well provided for. I got what I needed and most of what I wanted, materially. I don't think I was ever a brand conscious or materialistic individual anyway, but yes, I always had an eye for "good" things my whole life.
This was especially surprising considering that I came from South Mumbai, one of India's most poshest places.

However, I was lucky enough to have friends much like me who didn't much care for labels, riches or wealth. For us, a simple, well lived life mattered more.

On almost all my birthday's post attaining adult-hood, I chose to devote something on my special day. Something, small, maybe not extremely significant, yet something, anything.

As a child, a teenager and young adult, most birthdays revolved around buying treats, treating friends, shopping and partying. After a point in time that whole endeavor seemed pointless. Probably because, every party was the same. Everything seemed the same. And there was always this nagging feeling, a certain kind of guilt that made me want to do something else. This feeling never went away, no matter how much I tried.

I wanted to give. I wanted to absorb the spirit of simplicity and be thankful for what I had. Everyone wants more. There are days when I craze luxurious cars and extravagant leisure's of life. And then there are days when it really doesn't matter at all. I mean, when it's my time to go from this world and bid goodbye to this life, what will be of most importance after all?

So it started. A small, baby step through which I dedicated something or the other to either the needy around me, orphans in a shelter at a close distance from me, or simply the man on the street on every birthday.

I can't remember what I did every year on my birthday since I turned 18 but I can vividly recall distributing chocolate biscuits to the underprivileged kids in a Mumbai educational center on my 22nd or 21st birthday. Thereafter, the next year I think I specifically asked a caretaker cum volunteer at another center close to my home in Bombay what the underprivileged really "needed". She told me there was a dire need of good quality school bags for the center  So, I went and bought about 15 - 20 wholesale bags and distributed it among the children that year.

After that, due to constantly shifting base for the next 2 years, I  missed doing anything for anyone else on my birthday until yesterday.
Although I now live in a new city and new state, it seemed only fair that I do not miss the chance to put a smile on someone else's face on the day I was born. So, I had someone look for an orphanage, any orphanage and decided to donate a couple of (about 40) geometry box sets, colour pencils and chocolates to (not all) the children there.

I chose a Muslim Orphanage for the purpose. Kanpur has a large muslim population. Nothing wrong in it. But when I expressed an interest to distribute sweets and pencil box sets there, the initial reaction of my army helpers surprised me. They, who defend the country's borders were more keen on my going to a hindu orphanage and not muslim one.

It's going to take a long time for a secular country like ours to accept a simple fact - when it comes to children at least, religion doesn't matter. And when it does, the problems will begin. 

Distributing my gifts to the children at the orphanage felt nice, although I do wish I could have done more for them. They deserve everything a child born into a well to do family gets. Circumstances can really be your best friend or best foe  in life.

Every child at the orphanage came up to me to shake my hand and take their sweets. The caretakers there were also extremely happy that someone from the "outside" world thought of the center's children on so random a day.

There is really nothing better than the gift of giving. And when you ever feel like donating something, be it a pair of shorts or even something as small as a key chain, remember that:

--Donating "things you do not use" no matter how old, worn or useless for you WILL be of some help to someone out there

--Donating food articles and sweets do not help as much as "utility things", sweets and foods get consumed and do not have a long lasting effect. But non perishable things do.

--Always ask the center what the inmates there really "need" before giving them something

--Try not to only donate money. Donate things that can actually be used immediately. Buy and give things if you must.

My only regret was that I couldn't give the center's children what they really needed yesterday. When I asked the main caretaker there what they would like to have as gift, he specifically said that all the 70 children in the center felt extremely cold during the winter months, but not everyone had a sheet to keep them warm. He  would have preferred a gift bag full of old sheets and blankets, but alas, I couldn't afford to buy that many and sadly enough didn't  have any old ones to give away.

In turn, he said pencils, geometry sets and crayons were also always required and so I chose to go in for the latter.

Well, there's always a next time!

Where did the year go?

It's already almost the end of 2012. And I find myself wondering where the year went. But as usual, this emotion is quite a common one during the end of any year.

I had several plans and aims this year. But, as usual there wasn't enough time to follow through with them all. I moved from the Western part of India to the Northern part this year. I changed jobs. I also changed houses thanks to the move and lost a lot of time getting used to all the change to notice the time that flew right past me.

Today, as I sit here wondering about it, I realize that it doesn't matter, it is not necessarily of any major consequence.

Have you ever woken up real early in the morning? And just stood and watched the birds wake up, the sun rays get stronger, the stray dogs stretch lazily or the plants brighten up? It's actually quite a calming experience to watch the world wake up as you stand up with a cup of warm tea of coffee in your hand. It makes you realize that nothing is of any real consequence in the world than sleeping stress-free every night and waking up the next morning. The world does it, day after day. Why shouldn't we?

As I get ready to bid another goodbye to another year of this new millennium, I also put in perspective what matters and what doesn't in all our short lives.

"Live not for what tomorrow may or may not hold. Live for the world, now, today".

The beautiful world of colour

The beautiful world of colour

I remember in the old days how black and white movies and television shows kept us heartily entertained. In those days, television was a relatively new concept and cable TV with more than 2 -3 channels an even newer one. Fortunately or not (it’s the way one looks at it), I grew up at a time when major technological changes were taking place. 

Not only did TV become coloured, the internet was born and took over the world and computers replaced my best friends. Cell phones became my confidantes and trusted companions. Direct to home satellite TV turned into my favourite form of entertainment.

I also remember, how as a young school and later, college going kid – the colour black and shades of dark blue or grey fascinated me. I practically chose to wear nothing besides grey, dark blue and mainly black. The advantage was that it took hardly less than 5 minutes for me to shop. All I had to do when I entered a store was look at the small sized black tee shirts and I was done.

It took years for my fascination with the colour to fade. I liked my favourite colour so much, that I tried to match everything to it. This resulted in most of my belongings being black, blue or grey. From my mobile phone cover to my taste in music (which was and still is Rock).

If I were to ask myself why I spent so many years of my life on black today, I will answer by saying that I was looking for some order in the world and my life. There are so many things beyond our control, socially and economically and practically! In India, traditions play an important role in our daily life. In my younger days, our generation was a little lost between growing into a modern world that relied heavily on past traditions. I don’t know if anyone ever felt it, but I did. I was torn and confused between the concept of “socially acceptable” and tradition and life. I found that there was too much disorder in the order I sought. I mean, think about it, how many of us spend our lives pleasing others, listening to others and following traditions we do not know the meaning of. 

Today, every time I ask an elder in the family WHY we follow a certain ritual, they usually  have no answer. If you don’t know why you do what your elders told you to, why do you do it? Cause someone asked you to? But then, does that justify the essence of doing it? Furthermore, is it really humanly possible to follow everything someone else tells you when your life is anyway so short that seeing everything and doing everything you want is considered – bad.

I found society’s norms to be the best example of “double standards”. Why live for the people who judge you? Sadly, we are so entwined into trying to be, that we don’t be. In fact, we can’t be anymore.

So, I found solace in arranging the things within my reach, because I couldn't arrange anything else around me. This meant the colour of my clothes, bags, shoes, books, phones, computer etc etc etc.

But, for how long can you match your colours?

A couple of months ago, a year and half to be precise, I began a new project. One wherein I decided to explore colours. Like a child. Children are taught to play with colours and I was just learning how. My love for black extended to a crush on purple. Soon, most of my things turned purple. After that, I found beauty in the riches of bright red, deep maroon, lavender. The beauty and colours of the world made me open my eyes to the different smells and flavours of the world too.

Today, every time I get up in the morning and look for something to wear, I begin by asking myself – what colour do I feel like today?

Last week, on a particularly normal day of the week, I felt green. So I wore green. And guess what? A stray parrot that couldn't fly too well strayed into my house and now my life. He sits here with me, every day. He eats everything I give him and keeps singing to me. Who knows what life will gift you when you choose your colour.

Oh...and if only you could see my house now. It's an array of colours. From reds to beige, blue and even yellow. 

Health isn't just wealth.

I have a workaholic father. And as if that wasn't enough, I have a perfectionist for a mother.

Together they make a classic couple for sure, they look great together, they bicker, they make up, they compliment each other. My mother with her unique half chinky looks and my father with his tall royal Bengali features are close to the ideal couple in my mind.

Throughout my life, as I grew up, from a small girl into a pre-teen and further into a complete teen and eventually a grown up, I remember my parents working. Not just working, but working hard.

Well, who could blame them, they had us kids to raise.
But today when I think about, their undying efforts, their committed spirit and constant will to get up each morning and just "go for it" was admirable.

How often in my life today do I lay back and dream about lazying  the whole day. I dream about waking up post noon and then napping some more.
Why?

Because, in a meagre 7 years of working in a professional environment, I burned out. I'm not even 30. But I'm tired, all the time. Up till about 6 months ago I used to spend 3 hours a day, going to work and getting back home, using 6 rickshaws on each day to make the journey. This meant using 3 rickshaws one way to travel the daily 50 km stretch. In a city like Pune - that is tough. Well...with all the traffic, the pollution, the over crowded roads...what would you expect?

I blame my physical unease on 7 years of super hard work. Getting to work was work in itself. So you can imagine what the actual day job took from me. Everything.

My parents have been working, not the same way, but still working endlessly, untiringly, continuously for so many many years. They started since before I was born and still continue to do so.
It amazes me. Although I remember seeing my father's tired face every Saturday night while growing up, I still expected him to take me out every following Sunday.

And he did. Most Sundays. My mother, she cared for her kids, made sure there was always a hot, nutritious meal for all of us in spite of the several other commitments she had. Everyday. And counting.

Although I have taken a little break from the usual life I lead, although I professionally work from home as a writer, I can't help wondering how much we do in exchange for so little.
And sometimes, the people we do it for are what's important.

Sometimes, we struggle untiringly not just to make ends meet or to live the so called "good" life. We do it because we are expected to.

In exchange for our health.
What good is what we do, if we can't really enjoy it?

I keep hearing the words "I have no time" or 'I just don't know how the day ends" all around me. When I'm 60, what will I have to show if I can't sit back and breathe for a minute.

In today's world we let our health die years before we actually do. Our constant fatigue, our endless need for undisturbed sleep remain incomplete.

Health isn't just wealth. It is a lot more than that. Without it, we wouldn't have anything.

As I think about my parents, as I sometimes crave going back to my office routine - I pacify myself by telling myself - one day at a time. As long as I've had a healthy, hearty, delicious meal and as long as the ones closest to me are fine at the end of the day , every day - there is nothing to worry about.

Let tomorrow be.
Cause to me, without today there'd be no tomorrow anyway.

It's a dog's day everyday

I have a severe aversion to wasting food. That's because I know the effort it takes to cook an entire wholesome meal now. When I was younger, I pretty much didn't think twice before saying I didn't enjoy something on the dinner table.

But now, the tables like the always do at least once in life, have turned.

Not only do I hate the idea of wasting food, I revel in the idea of feeding uneaten food to my guard dogs.

Let me elaborate, this year when we moved to Kanpur we were allotted a nice big army bungalow to live in. But, along with the house came a family of dogs (who lived outside, not inside the house).
It didn't seem right to chase them away, they had been here since before us anyway.
So, I decided to make them my personal guard dogs.

This family of dogs who stick close to the main door of the house consists of a white and brown mother, a brown father, 2 white and brown little boys and one brown little girl. One of the white - brown boys has become my favourite because he is mild by nature and responds to everything I say quite happily. The others have a typical territorial sense and fight for food and space constantly.

So anyway, my day here usually includes collecting every morsel of uneaten food irrespective of what it is and how much it is through the day. The dogs outside are given a healthy breakfast which is usually a meal of bread, some milk, water of course and lots of leftover rice, rotis, vegetables etc. A thorough wholesome diet indeed.

And then in the evening, they are pampered with the remains of a our midday lunch. Every day. Every single day. Outside this house, it is indeed a dog's life every day.

Furthermore, since we live in a Bungalow here, I have placed chairs on the lawn outside. Which of course are now used by all the dogs daily. Then, the lawn itself acts like their spa while they dust, roll and clean themselves in it. The soothing miles of green grass and soft soil makes their day.

Then of course there is the occasional peacock, pea hen, snake and scorpion that are a part of my life and therefore theirs. The fact that they can chase these other intruders and keep the house "safe" and "wild animal free" gives them a purpose.

Even if this city has it's many ups and many downs, I'm glad that I can at least make it a dog's day everyday.

Electricity is my new best friend

Sunday is always good. Its great in fact. Every time. Why? Because of its sheer ability to make everyone happy and to allow me endless hours of rest and T.V. Although I work from home as a writer (and have been since June 2012), I take a break on Sundays. I refuse to switch my laptop on and use my brain.

This last Sunday though, ended with a grim frown. As I slowly drifted into a deep sleep I was suddenly and rudely awakened by the horrible warmth of the humid night. Electricity had gone. Since I am married to an army officer, we move to new houses and cities and sometimes villages. Our present home lies in a quaint cantonment in one of Uttar Pradesh's biggest cities - Kanpur. But, Kanpur like the rest of UP lags behind in its commitment to empower people with electricity - ALL THE TIME.

I am not used to a life without electricity. In fact, when my army husband and I moved to Kanpur in June of this year, the intense humidity made us crave an air conditioner. We almost came close to buying one. And then realized that the water here is so impure that we ended up buying a water purifier first. Although the search for a good air conditioner continues, without electricity what good is that?

So that night, amid the intense heat we managed to get some rest. My little 2 year old dog was immensely uncomfortable. But she managed to sleep it out too. Come morning, we all hoped that the electricity would come back. But I think the electricity was content in playing a game of hide and seek with us.

Monday morning blues turned to greys when the lights, fans, fridge and everything that needed power slept. Since I couldn't switch the laptop nor connect to the net without electricity, (I have a BSNL modem line that's why) I slept like the rest of my electronic gadgets too. In the heat. The hot hot heat. With a napkin to wipe it off every minute.

Alas at around 4 pm on Monday evening the lights finally blinked and came alive. Oh, how that made my heart leap with joy! I quickly turned on my computer and got to work. Electricity.

Just as Monday soon ended, the electricity showed signs of staying. So when it was time to sleep, I filled the cooler with lots of cold water and got ready for a night of cool air and rest.

Come Tuesday morning, the story repeated itself. Everything was off. And it stayed off. Till tonight. Till this moment. I sweated in the heat with no computer, no TV, no way to finish my online writing work for the day, no fan, no nothing. Amid the candle light and thoughts of ghosts I realized how important electricity was to me.

It was such a relief to see the lights blink, to feel the fan move, to go online, to chat, to charge my phone that I now realize - electricity is my new best friend.

The beginning of working from home

Although I enjoy being in an office and I miss being in an office, working from home has its share of advantages. I can take as many TV breaks and nap breaks as I'd like, as long as I'm respecting deadlines.

The thing is, being an army wife take its toll on your professional life. Well, unless you find a way to work around it! And in today's technology driven age - you can.

Now that I'm in Kanpur, working from home is a new idea, a new beginning. I plan to do this till I'm in Kanpur. Post which, if I get to be in my favourite cities again - I will definitely take up a daytime, 9-5 job again!

So, since the last 2 weeks I have garnered places to work for. Online. I write. I send what I write. The next day they tell me what more writing work they need. It's a good arrangement. I don't need to meet my bosses...now that I'm technically working for 3 companies online I do have several bosses. But being behind my laptop saves me from them.

I start my day with 1 article and a cup of coffee. Without coffee, I am nothing after all. I then schedule my day to meet the content requirements of all the companies I work for. I make a list. I plan who to write for between what hours of the day. And then I settle down to write.

But the initial hiccups were prevalent in the last 2 weeks. At first, I didn't have a worthy internet connection. The day the famous - BSNL broadband entered my home here, the laptop decided to give me problems. The minute I figured out a way around that, the electricity went off. And obviously with a landline inspired broadband connection, with no electricity - no internet works.

I managed to smile and complain through these initial hiccups. Today, 1 week later I am on top of things. I've become lazier because I write according to my will now. But as long as I'm working, I'm fine.

This is my conclusion and advice for everyone who wants to work from home:

-A reliable, fast speed, broadband connection is an absolute requirement

-A reputed, branded laptop or desktop is a necessity

-The will to devote at least 6-7 hours a day to your work is critical.

We face a lot more distractions while working from home. Focus on completing the assignments given to you. Otherwise, you will lose out on projects and your aim to work from home might die a slow death!

At the end of it all, all I'd like to say is that - giving "work from home" a shot is totally worth it. Everyone should try it, at least once in their life.

Working from home for a change

Working from home for a change

When I first entered the corporate world, I had an extreme sense of energy. A thrill. An urge, to explore the beyond. To be someone who is known, who is regarded as the best in a certain field. Youth does that to you. 

A marriage changed me. Marriage is anyway a gamble. But when you marry an Indian army officer, it is an even bigger gamble. Why? Because you not only have to deal with your husband being away from you and in sensitive areas around the world...you have to face road blocks in every new place you visit. Jobs come. Professions stagnate. Especially when you are an army wife. 

This year, when I moved again, to a northern state in India I faced another challenge. My willingness to look for a job here turned into water. Why? Because of the extreme weather conditions here. It’s not just hot here, it is incredibly hot. Stepping out of the room is a sure way to get scathed. 

So, what would someone like me do in this condition? I decided to give “working from home” a shot. A 6 month deadline in which I should earn what I aim to. This will of course require loads of hard work and loads of determination.Plus getting used to making a home office. I've always been used to working out of an actual office, to me it's better. You need another place to focus on what you do for a living. Office life was therefore always fun for me.

But like every new thing in life, it’s a start. I have 2 companies that I already write for. Sitting in the confines of a new house here. Will I be successful in this new phase of my life? Honestly, not me but only time can tell.

The Kanpuriya twist

...and then like its meant to happen in the life of an army wife, we left Pune. A whole 1 and half years turned into a memory. Fond memory.

As we boarded the plane on 4th June for Lucknow with our little dog: I could only think of 1 thing: what Kanpur would be like. As a non UP-ite, I had my reservations about a state that has often been in the news for all the wrong reasons. I wondered if I'd be able to work there, to travel through the city streets alone...to live the life I was used to living.

An uneventful 1.5 hour flight journey and 2 hour road journey later we entered the Kanpur cantonment. A cantonment that stretched into the main city limits. The locals spoke a different kind of hindi and the water had a different kind of taste.
I entered the guest room and the hot walls of the room enveloped me into a warm hug. Kanpur is known for its extreme weather conditions, it's either too hot or too cold. Since it was the month of June, a hot summer was the only weather that could invite us to the city.

Once we had settled into our temporary room, I tried finding out where the basic shops and supply stores were. I was told of a good enough mall known as the Z-square mall which is apparently Kanpur's newest and finest mall. A 3+ storey mall with all the latest brands, technology and multipex system in-built. At least there was a mall, so things weren't as bad.

Kanpur, as I see it now - a meagre 3 weeks later is just a small city. There is nothing fascinating about it. Nothing exciting. The streets are crowded. The people aren't friendly. The crime rate is high.

But, for us army people and wives - it isn't all that bad. We've been to smaller towns where not even our most basic needs were met, so a city like this is a sort of blessing.

There are 2 things one can do from here: Choose to love the place and thrive while here or hate it and wait till the tenure here ends.

Either way, one still has to live there for at least a while. So why hate what you have to do. 

A hello and another goodbye

Sometimes words can mean so much.

They can break your heart.

Or mend your mind,

I once read a book in which it said,

Home is never a place....But always a person.

In this life...this little life of mine,

I’ve met many people...some made me smile.

Some made me laugh and hate goodbyes,

Those are the ones...that make everything worthwhile.

In this life, this life of mine...

I live across cities, sometimes 2 at a time.

I’m never in one place, for way too long.

Never around, to remember the faces in the crowd.

As I leave, again this time

I think about times...great times that went by.

And all that comes to my mind, as I write this rhyme,

Is that home is never a place. But probably persons.  

So this is a hello. And another goodbye.

All said together...in one little rhyme.

Hopefully we’ll meet...soon sometime

Till then I bid you...a sweet goodbye.

It’s time to move again

For the first quarter of my life, I lived in one place. In one house. I went to the same school through my schooling years. And the same college for all the 5 years of college life. And then, when it was time to get married, I just knew that I had to be on the move. I wanted to see more places, do more things.

Maybe I felt this so strongly because it was my destiny… I married an army officer and the only certain thing in the uncertain life of an army officer and his army wife is their constant travels. It’s been 2 years since I’ve been married and now it’s time to move again…for the 3rd time since I joined him and started living life in the olive green.  

Pune: Our life in Pune began on the 1st day of the beginning of 2011 – the start of a new decade in a brand new place. Wonderful coincidence, yes.

Although he was posted in a military camp based on the outskirts of Pune, everything within and around Pune soon became our source of fun. Our weekend getaway. City life is for the youngsters, this is what I have come to believe. Especially after I spent 8 months in a country environment before this. In the last 1.5 years, life in Pune was everything fun defines.

Since January of last year, I came across so many people. New people. Different mindsets. Some of them irked me. Some of them changed me. Some of them, created memories of my life in Pune. Forever.

 In February, I started working for a reputed advertising agency in Pune. Although I worked there for a meagre 4 months or so, the challenge and taste of a new job was in itself gratifying. I was free to explore a world of writing for digital media in Xebec E-Media…one of the leading advertising agencies in Pune. Come June though, I left for greener pastures.

I joined another reputed and locally renowned firm called Pratisaad Communications, again as a copywriter. The journey that began in June last year ends on the 30th of this month. Copy-writing here was never like a job. It was a challenge, a question. One had to understand the client’s mind, his emotion, his heart before drafting lines.

And this is where I realized that everyone isn’t different really. They just make different choices and have different tastes. That is what makes your life and everybody else's different from mine.

My job at Pratisaad kept me busy in Pune. I travelled 25 kms one way, therefore 50 kms everyday to get to work and back. The rickshaw ride gave me time to think. A luxury in today’s hurried pace of life . I dreamt a lot. I thought often during my journeys everyday.

Besides work, military life in the camp here kept me busy. When there wasn’t a military function to attend, there was a fellow army officer's child’s birthday party or someone’s anniversary. Celebration after celebration. One thing that makes the army life so much more different than routine civilian life is the way everyone is close knit. They share everything from drinks to dinners and birthdays with each other like one big happy joint family.

70 officers, their wives and children came last year for the Technical Staff College Course in DIAT, Pune.The same 70 will soon leave. By the end of May - there will be 70 empty houses...houses where we once lived and created lifetime moments to remember. Some of us made several friends within the group of 70. Some of us made a few. But one thing is certain – all of us will remember Pune fondly because it was the one place we could spend time with our family. Every new place after this will be a challenge, a fight. A reason to be stronger than we actually are. Because, in the army - you never know when you are going to be left alone.

My high point living in Pune was being close to Mumbai, to the people who mattered to me. I’ve spent a major part of my life in Mumbai. And my family there, my friends – they were just a 3 hour drive away. Some of my friends came down to see us here. My family did too…although not as often as I’d dreamed. But then again, we are all busy chasing dreams. I never thought I’d live in Pune. And I did. For that matter, I never thought I’d live in Kanpur – and I soon will.

To everyone who made Pune a fantastic and enjoyable experience – thank you. And good bye. My new house in Kanpur is always, always open for you – whenever you decide to come.

It’s always about how the bride looked.

That beauty and brains can go together is a fact that is more a myth for most people. Although there are several famous and at the same time, beautiful people in the world, even accomplished ones with brawn, what’s sad is that people still expect beauty for girls especially to be the final it. Let’s talk about India. In India, during a typical Indian wedding, it’s important for a bride to look her best. Yes, just like in other countries. However, in most countries too, people only want to remember how the bride looked on her wedding day. Everyone’s curiosity usually revolves around how the bride looked, what she wore... No one bothers about her. The real her. Her life. What she’s done. Who she wants to be. Because, to our minds, it doesn’t matter. It’s always about how she looked and whether she looked good and if so then how good she looked.
Try it out. Miss out on a common friend’s wedding, be it a male or female companion and ask your mutual friends how the wedding was. Answers will first revolve around the bride’s physical appearance, her attire, her jewelery and then if at all on the food and drinks.

That beauty is skin deep is a fact. That people don’t believe it is the truth. Most of us would love to choose partners based on their looks and yes of course their material capability. That looks fade with time is given. But how many people care?

There’s pressure put on women everywhere, to look good. To charm. To flatter. To seduce. We therefore become indebted to the expectations. To looking after our bodies like we were models although we aren’t. We spend hours in the groom room to look good. To wax. Or shave. To shape brows. To paint nails. To wear the right dress. Men are accepted when they are unkempt. A woman never is.
Society is good for culture. But again, too much of one thing can never be a good thing, can it? Society gave us cosmetics and the cosmetic culture. And now they believe more in our looks than our talent. Than us. They say, if you look good, you feel great. Really? Is that what it’s come to?

If I were king of the world, just for one day, I’d ban beauty pageants. It’s a start. And I’d go to a wedding wishing to know the bride. Not just her pretty face.
The fact remains; it’s not beauty that’s skin deep. It’s us. We are all superficial, in one way or another.

The endless world we hold onto…that lies in our desk drawer

Every time I get a long weekend I like to bury my head in all the things I own and reduce the junk that has collected over time. It is so easy to add to your collection of things and so hard to get rid of it. There is a very thin line between what’s useful and what isn’t and then again, what should be held onto.

Take the test. Try opening your simply work table drawer and clear everything from the bits of paper in it to the pins and notes in it. You are bound to feel a certain kind of energy oozing out from your locked endeavors.

Every animal, every specie likes to collect. Dogs like to hide things they find interesting. They dig up the bare soil and hide their find. People store it away, behind cupboards, behind drawers, in trunks, even the basement. Rats store things too, from bottle caps to lose paper.

Any similarity? A lot. Humans are not that different. The reason we store is because we like to hold onto things. We attach sentimental value to everything we touch, feel and see. And in a sense, it adds to waste. Our own waste and the world’s. Imagine what it’d be like if you were to give away everything you hadn’t used in over a year. Not only would you have a lot more place in which to store things, you’d rid yourself of things you thought you needed but didn’t. That old tee shirt. Replace it with the new. Even if it is precious to you. Because, you have one life to live and you cannot leave life with your tee shirt. That old shoe. Those worn out jeans. Although there is a sentimental treasure in everything, it’s not real treasure.

And the minute you stop holding on, you are bound to be feel so much lighter. So much more carefree. This feeling of attached by being detached will help. Help when you need it the most.

If what I’m saying doesn’t make sense, try it. Throw out those worn out sneakers. Get a new pair. You’ll feel bad for a while…and then suddenly, just like the afternoon sun you will feel as bright as a summer day.

To adopt or not to adopt

I was at a social gathering the other day when I met a woman who had one thing in common with me.

We were talking about our lives, our dreams and our worlds when I asked her if she’d ever like to bring in another child into this world. (She already is a mother of a fantastic 6 year old). Her answer, for someone who has lived in India her whole life was very impressive, according to me at least. She said she’d like to adopt another child and that she and her husband had already registered with an orphanage to initiate the process.

I have always wanted to adopt a child, ever since I can remember. The urge to adopt especially started getting stronger once I started working and earning my own living. I always felt that it made sense to work for the better of someone else, especially someone who is helpless and would benefit largely by my support. I mean, what good is what I do if I can’t make a significant difference at least to one person while I’m here?

However, in India…adopting children is not considered to be a socially acceptable norm in most places. If couples choose to adopt here, people socially believe it’s because the couple is having problems conceiving their own child. Although this is probably true in most cases, the point is that adoption shouldn’t be a last option for people who want kids.

It should be seen as a socially positive action wherein the little lives of young ones can be changed, for the better. In life, they say it pays to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. So, put yourself in the shoes of a child who has nothing literally. Isn’t it only fair that the lot of us who are better off contribute to them. And thus eventually to society as a whole in a way?

I personally believe that adopting a child is the greatest thing one can do. To offer your undying and unconditional love to someone who is not really yours and to take a pledge to look after them, their needs and wants throughout their life is a heroic act.

I’d love to eventually adopt at least one child. Just so I can change things for the better. For that one person. It would make me happy to make that child happy.

What I ask is the point of it all if you can’t change things for the better after all?

Old Age

In life, old age is the only thing that should bring you down. Nothing else ever should. Why do I think so?

Well, because the other day I chanced upon a severely aged man hobbling across the main road, trying to beat the rushing traffic and to sit in the public transport vehicle I was in. He probably needed to get to someplace and had no one to help him. His face was wrinkled. His clothes too. He supported himself with a cane and a limp and managed to hobble slowly across the road somehow.

When he finally reached the vehicle, he slowly sat down, only to spend the next few minutes looking for change to pay the driver. His face showed the years, the life and struggles he lived. Basic movements were an obstacle. Life itself probably was too.

In life, when you can’t even get up and pour yourself a glass of water with ease…that’s when the trouble starts.
The point is, no matter what the struggle one must go through in this magical life, nothing can not be beaten. We as humans can overcome everything – from handicaps to penniless days. The only thing we can never, ever beat no matter how hard we might try is age.

Natural though it is to age…it’s the way your body turns on you that makes the difference. That’s why they invented the words “ageing gracefully…” not many of us age gracefully. That’s because we don’t live our lives well enough to.

Stay true to you. Let all else fall.

That day, as I observed this old man struggling with the basic movements needed to get through a normal sunny day, I wondered, what would it be like to be old. To be unable to walk straight. Or without help. To become forgetful. To stop being me.

It would be frightful. Simply because nothing will be in my hand anymore. I’d need to rely on external help for every little thing I need to do and that to me is the worst situation in life.

That is why the “now” is all the more precious. I’ll never be 26 again. In fact, I’ll never be here again.

So, although old age is the worst thing life has to offer, youth is the best.

So Live. Like you won’t again. And revel in the spirit of life.

Presenting Hamlet

My name is Hamlet, I’m probably 5 years old. I’m not sure because my birthday was never recorded…

I used to live at DIAT, GIRINAGAR (it’s an area on the outskirts of Pune city (India) – close to the famous Khadakwasla lake).

About a week before the day of love (Valentine's Day), someone from DIAT was cruel enough to call an NGO to take me away. They felt I was a threat to their children. In reality, I am a friendly dog and I love playing with humans. I can get a little aggressive…but that’s only because I try and protect myself and my territory.

Right now, I have been locked in a cage. The cage is too small for me. I can barely move.
The NGO people give me food everyday, but honestly speaking, that is just not enough. I need to be out in the open. I was free for 5 years of my life. It’s not fair to expect me to sit in a cage all day.

On Saturday, one of my closest friends from came to see me. She brought me some yummy treats and I didn’t want her to go. She just wanted to see if I was alright.
Physically, I am ok. But I’m not ok inside.

I know that the NGO will not keep for long. They have too many dogs. And not enough cages for all of them. Eventually they will have to either kill me or leave me somewhere on the streets of Pune (because the person who complained about me doesn’t me in DIAT ever again).

If you have a home where I can possibly live…or even an open ground for me to live in…I would be so grateful. A little food and some open space is all I need. I won’t bother you. I won’t bite you. That’s my promise.

My friend tried her best to convince those people to let me be. But, some humans are just…

Please help me. If you can.

(This is dedicated to an innocent dog who I named Hamlet within the cantonment I stay at. He was already living on the street in front of the house when we moved in, but he befriended us and cam over for every meal. He responded to us, to our commands and was protective of our own little dog Elsa too. However, our neighbour who holds negative views of pets in general wanted him removed / relocated and so she called an NGO to take him away one day when we were at work.)

There is only one thing to say - Poor Hamlet. The streets at DIAT were his home. But, that all changed through no fault of his.

The life I lived, or the one I didn't?

Just the other day, I was ranting to my better half about how I sometimes felt that I was stagnating. Stagnating in life in general and my professional career too. I was always a little ambitious by nature...to the extent that everything in life came (still sometimes comes) after my own professional aspirations and priorities.

Then, on a random public holiday in the middle of the week, while I crept about completing my chores a random thought came to my head. I could use my hands to do my own work. I could walk around wherever I wanted. I could see, breathe and feel. My senses were alive, but was I?

Experience things. Experience real life. See it all before you go. I always thought I'd live like a hippie. Instead, I started living like a corporate go-getter. Who loses the basic key factors for a good life.

Good doesn't necessarily mean what I want.

I'm one of the most fortunate people around...not because of my house, or car or dog or fancy phone.

I am because I can do everything I want. I'm not limited in any way. But, does that make up for me? Sometimes. No.

Looking around, I realize that mostly all my peers are like me. We crave. We want. Wants never end. We live a life.

But,at some point...we all go. We all have to go. Nothing is immortal as is no one. So what's the point in wanting to be at the top when I can walk around at a leisurely pace and breathe the air around me and feel the evening butterflies flutter around me?

When its my time to go...what will I miss more? The life I lived, or the one I didn't?

The essence of a being

I live in a time where multiple educational degrees are the norm. People crave more degrees. Because industry demands it. There are several job vacancy classifieds that state under "requirements" a host of degrees. When a prospective interviewer has to compare and choose between a candidate who has these multiple certificates to their credit and one who is hard working, diligent and experienced: it's usually the former that fits the bill.

That's why senior managerial positions are held by young people, who may have the degree to support the designation. That's where it all ends.

In this time where fancy degrees are the aim of the day, who is responsible to teach the younger us about the essence of a being? How often is it that we chance upon rude, ill-mannered people all around?

That's because, in the rush for qualifications, people forget to be human. Being human is about being humane. But the essence has long since been lost in the haze of unrealistic demands and realistic dreams that qualify for being material.

Every time I chance upon a youngster, whether at the workplace or out in the streets of the world : I see young people with too much of everything besides humanitarian essence. Their attitude. Their dress codes. Their life. It all looks so much like a warning sign. An example of who I never want to be.

Yesterday, I had to accompany my superiors for a meeting which was to be held at a premier multinational company that deals with farm equipment. I met with every Department Head there was there. But was impressed by none. The batch of 30-40 year old's spoke with no conviction. Had the gadgets to show off. But the intelligence that was worth enough to hide. And the manners and presentation skills that would soon be forgotten.

Whatever happened to the breed of smart people? The ones who were perfect on the outside and the inside? Were they ever there?

This rare breed hardly comes around anymore. The kind that enthralls with a simple hello and talks about aspects related to life / a profession that can make you want to listen and crave for more.

There is no essence to our beings any more. We are - just beings. And this is where the problem began years ago. This is why relationships fail. Why people fail, themselves. Why in a world of over 7 billion - we still feel alone.

It's time for change. A reality check. And it's time, to go back to the basics. To find the essence of a being.

The bigger, bolder things in life that aren't necessarily better

Although my father is a Mechanical Engineer by profession and has a huge passion for cars (as does my elder brother), the passion never trickled down to me. Don't get me wrong, I like cars. Love having them around. But that's about it. The maximum interest I'd put into a car in terms of it's technicalities and operations is knowing how to change a flat tire and learning the basics about the engine functions.

That brings me to my write for today. While on my way to work I chanced upon an Audi 6. The much admired A6 caught my eye, not because of it's exceptionally sleek design (it's not exceptional)...it just caught my eye because I assumed that there wouldn't be many people where I live who'd spend as much on a car. But obviously, I was wrong. Spending large sums of money on fancy luxury sedans are fine...if you have a passion for cars.

This brought me to me. If I had a lot of money to spend (there is no definition of "a lot" when it comes to money), but anyway, if I could spend as much on a vehicle, would I? Try as I might to put myself in a billionaire's shoes...I still don't think I would spend as much on a car.

For me, a good car that has the basic functions and can get me from place A to place B is fine. Of course, depending on my budget, I would add several other features to the wish list, but would I go all out? Never.

The point is, I am conscious of money. It's not like I face the lack of it. But money is important to me to the extent that I believe in saving for a rainy day and not splurging on myself. I guess I'm not the kind who lives for today. I live for the future. I think about money and I detest the fact that it rules me in some way. I work, to earn, to spend. But is that the way it should be? Sometimes, I like to think that the old days when money didn't exist were far better. But then, there was no order back then, there were thefts, murders and the need to hunt for food which I can now simply buy from the corner store.

The point being, money was supposed to create order...but over the years it didn't do that. It created a sense of disorder in the minds of people. A sense to crave for the bigger, bolder things in life that aren't necessarily better. The only common thing about money across the strata is that people who don't have it, want more of it and people who do have it, want more of it. So then? What real good does it do?

The objective got lost,a long long time ago...

I for one would not like to depend on money so much. For me, having enough to enjoy a good life is just about fine. Why aspire and run behind one thing your whole life, when you can just live it instead...?

So, cheers to all the people out there who own fancy cars, may you always have a good ride.

A day with friends and a movie

They say, when you grow old, if you can count 5 friends who have stuck with you al through your life, then you are really lucky.

All of us have been to college and have attended an endless number of parties. But how many people from the people that we've met have we been able to call friends through the years.

Its normal to have fall outs. To stop talking. To fight and then maybe make up. But no bond can be as strong as that childhood friend that saw you be the young you and then your grown version. And then accepted it.

My husband of almost 2 years called a few of his school friend's over this saturday. We had a pleasant pizza-pasta lunch party. There was nothing fancy and nothing extraordinary about the meeting, but there was so much warmth between the friends that it got me thinking about how genuine people aren't when you make new friends in the world. Socializing is all about how much you have and how much you are willing to give. But old friends are a breed apart.

Even I, who is one known as a loner enjoyed the day. Not because of the jokes or the stories or the random conversation. It was because of the genuine meaning of friendship that came across.

And then on Sunday, I chanced upon a movie on the home network. The Time TRaveller's wife.

This movie was a great example of bonds, of the real love between a couple and the meaning of life. Life will never last forever. And at the end of it all, knowing that you enjoyed every minute of it is what counts.

The movie (about a time traveller) who kept travelling through time and his wife who said she wouldn't change anything when he told her he is soon to die, touched every nerve in me. How many couples love for love today? How many couples live to die for each other. The great increase in the number of divorces show us that love, is not what is used to be.

And there is no one to blame but us. We changed it all. We started believing in live in relationships. In dating too many people. In being too choosey about partners. We run around in circles, never really getting anywhere, but always trying to find something.

All we need is purity and simplicity. But the racing world we live in will never allow us that unless we make the effort to slow down and take a step back. To walk on the beach with our love instead of rushing through breakfast, to lie on a boat and look up at the sky on a tuesday morning instead of ignoring each other to prepare for that next meeting.

The boss can wait. The money you are running after because you think you need to earn it because it will make your life better, will not stop you from dying one day.

And when you die, noone will remember the meetings you came for. Or the days you reached work on time.Not many people will remember anything at all.

It's those few who will and who'll wish they had more to remember. And its for them that you, me, we need to live and breathe and really make greater bonds for. Life is wasted, the way we live it.

Forget the materialism in the world.

Remember the love and the life in you. Celebrate it. Because there is just one of it.

Create bonds. Be a good friend. Love your partner. So you never feel the need to change anything, at the end of it.

The joy & sheer beauty of books

The modern world has to much to offer. Great laptops, smarter phones, big houses, fancy cars. Connectivity and Technology are the partners that make us as people crave for new things. The world is more material than it is a normal world. And yet, sometimes there are things that seem bigger, greater, wiser than all of it.

Books. The simple world of the written word. There is literally nothing better in the world than cosying up to a book by the fireplace on a cold winter day. A cup of tea to add to it helps.

The other day, I went to a book fair where I saw books and books and books. The entire room was piled high with an unlimited range of books - novels by well known and not so well known authors, cook books, children's books, comic books...so many books. It took me a long time to choose just a couple to buy (although I'd have loved to own the entire lot). I chose 4 and came home with a delighted sense of eagerness, waiting to start my books.

According to me, nothing looks as good against a wall than multiple wooden book shelves, filled with books. No painting, no picture frame, no wall decor will ever look as pretty to me than books against a wall shelf.

If someone paid me, just enough to afford 3 square meals a day and the basics of life, I'd be happy enough to stay home all day and just read. Then just walk in the park. And maybe sit by the sea.

There is so much out there in the world. But nothing can ever, ever give as much joy as the simple things in life.

When you look back at your life, what will you remember?

Will you remember the latest iphone that won't be the latest forever.

Or that one walk in the park where you were one with the morning dew.

Or that one book that touched your heart and changed your life.